Your children are only young once.
It’s such an obvious truth, yet it bears repeating because so many of us are missing out on precious moments and the opportunity to build memories together because we are addicted to our phones.
We hear so much in the news about the harm smartphones have inflicted on a generation of children: distractedness, heightened anxiety, fear of missing out, depression, and suicidality.
These warnings usually come with guidance about how to reduce children’s screen time and admonitions to wait until the child is older before getting them a smart phone.
All good advice.
But what if devices in the hands of children are only part of the problem? What if devices in the hands of parents are also harming children?
A recent study in JAMA Pediatrics suggests that parents using digital devices around their young children (parental technology use, or PTU) may negatively impact children’s health and development.
The meta-analysis, which reviewed data from 21 studies conducted in 10 countries and involving nearly 15,000 participants, found consistent links between PTU and adverse outcomes in children under five, including slower cognitive development, more behavioral and emotional challenges, weaker parent-child attachment, and increased screen time among children themselves.
Many children express feeling invisible, or like their parents were missing in action because they were routinely engaged in cellphone conversations, texting, or scrolling on phones. Younger children in particular report feeling like they have to compete with their parents’ devices for attention.
When we choose our phones over our children, we are sending an unmistakable message to our children about what our priorities are.
Beyond creating emotional distance, distracted parenting is also putting children in harm’s way. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) estimates that smartphone use may be to blame for a 10 percent uptick in unintentional childhood injuries.
Parents’ smartphone use has also been linked to children’s misbehavior at mealtimes and lack of communication and connection during mealtimes. A study by psychologists at the University of Essex found that the mere presence of a phone on the table – even if it’s turned off – makes those sitting around the table feel more disconnected and keeps conversations lighter and more focused on topics of little controversy or consequence for fear of being interrupted.
If that’s not enough of a wake-up call, perhaps this will be: Studies indicate that parents’ relationship with technology strongly influences the child’s relationship with technology.
Children are most likely getting their screen habits from Mom and Dad.
Parent screen use, family mealtime screen use, and bedroom screen use were associated with greater adolescent screen time and problematic social media, video game, and mobile phone use. Parental use of screens to control behavior (e.g. as a reward or punishment) was also associated with higher screentime and greater problematic video game use.
Smartphone use may even be harming children’s social development with children seeing that their parents think that socializing with a screen is just as good as face-to-face interaction.
Technology can be a powerful tool but may also create barriers to connection and engagement, affecting the environment in which children grow.
What the phone represents to most children is connection. The ability to stay in touch and communicate with their friends. Yet the tragic irony is that in many cases these devices are only adding to their loneliness and isolation. Instead of face-to-face interaction, their friendships are too often mediated through screens. And sadly, they are also interfering with family connections.
As parents, it is important for us to consider what we want our family culture to look like and the role we want technology to play in our lives and then to set about establishing habits and routines that support that vision. More importantly, we need to ask ourselves if we are modeling the kind of behavior and relationship with technology we want to see in our children.
This Christmas, we have an opportunity to create shared memories and to delight in the season with thanksgiving and joy as we celebrate the birth of our Savior. Be intentional. Be present. Put the phones away and connect deeply with your family while you still can.
